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II Corinthians 6:14 -- Do not be yoked together with unbelievers...
We commonly interpret this verse, and rightly so, as being a warning for a Christian not to marry a non-Christian. But I have always considered it to mean a little more than that. I maintain that "not all Christians are created equal" when it comes to marriage.
As Christians, we all have a calling, something we know (or should discover) God wants us to do, a dream or vision God has placed deep within us. When we are considering whom to marry, it is imperative we consider that vision. If you feel a strong call to the mission field, and you want to marry someone who feels led to other areas of service, you might be "unequally yoked", even though you are both Christians. One of you is going to have to leave their calling unfulfilled in order for the other's ministry dream to be realized.
As Christians, couples need to be going in the same direction, serving together. That does not mean you have to do everything together, or serve in the exact same capacities. But the general direction of each of your callings needs to be a shared direction. You have to share the dream.
You have to maintain it too. I have seen too many couples, some with deep,personal connections to me, not "make it" because they eventually drifted onto two different paths. And that does not always mean one drifts from God. Sometimes one will begin going in a direction that the other cannot, or maybe just does not want to, follow.
It is not always the fault of the one who wants to change direction, but it is not always the fault of the one who does not want to change either. If two people are happily serving together in a local church and one feels led to leave that church to begin their own pastoral ministry while the other is adamantly against it, the one who wants to make the change needs to check with God about what is truly the correct path. Or, if you marry someone whom you know feels led to pastor, but then refuse to go along with it when the opportunity arises, you need to get before God also. You have to share the dream.
Which is why I call this article Cabbagetown.
A few years before Karen and I met I lived in an area of Atlanta known as Cabbagetown. The name alone should give you some clue as to what type of area it was. I was living in part of the parsonage to a church that had been burned down by drug dealers unhappy that the pastor had allowed DEA agents to use the church as a base for gathering evidence against them. I was there helping that pastor with the congregation that continued to meet in the parsonage, another that was meeting in a local mall, and yet another that met in a nearby high school.
Recently we were in that area again, and there has been some changes. Cabbagetown is a historically significant area in Atlanta, and has begun to experience some rejuvenation, due in equal parts to its significance and proximity to downtown Atlanta. After we got home, Karen mentioned that she would like to move there. When I asked why, actually I think I said "why on God's green earth would you want to do that", she said because I had lived there and she wished she had been there with me to share the work I was doing.
That is sharing the dream.
When I decided to leave education some years ago and join the staff of our church, that decision needed Karen's input. When the decision was made to leave that church in Florida and move to Atlanta (which I began to second-guess the first day the low temperature was 17), that decision was also made in tandem. It was, in fact, Karen who first mentioned the possibility. (And, as I sit here shivering this frosty morn, I want to say "thanks a lot".)
Yes, one has to lead, but if no one follows, you're not leading. If one partner feels God is calling them in a particular direction, He will confirm that leading through the spouse. If your spouse is listening to God, and willing to follow where He leads, and they do not confirm what you are feeling, reconsider. After all, it is not His will to cause problems in a marriage. He wants you to share the dream.
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